


A Ludicrous Love of Sorts

by Evil_Potato_Monster



Category: Don Quijote de la Mancha | Don Quixote - Miguel de Cervantes
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:40:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26096512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evil_Potato_Monster/pseuds/Evil_Potato_Monster
Summary: In this fan fiction the characters, Don Quixote, and Sancho Panza argue, separate, and then realize they love each other. WARNING! : This fan fiction contains sexual content!I originally wrote this in 2018 when I first read the books but I'm posting this in 2020.
Relationships: Sancho Panza & Don Quixote
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	1. Loyal

Sancho Panza had long been uncomfortable with the tedious work and numerous abuses he’d faced do to the absurd will of his master, so when the middle aged squire’s wife Teresa had recommended that Sancho ask to obtain payment from Don Quixote, it came as no surprise that the idea was appealing to the man, who had up to that point worked under his lordship without any salary. And so once Sancho had the chance he brought up the topic to Don Quixote in the most respectable way he could manage.

“Señor, I have my family’s consent to accompany thee henceforth, as thy faithful squire once again, but they have asked me to request that I might receive a regular payment for my time spent in our travels, so that they might not solely rely on the loot we acquire by chance on our adventures…”

Don Quixote was in his room, having recently gone back home, but of course only temporarily, as he would leave again at his earliest convenience. After hearing Sancho inquire on the subject of payment the arrogant bigot replied to his faithful servant in the following manner:

“Sancho, I would appoint thee a salary, but as far as I have read in the history of knights errant there is no mention of paying squires in the whole record! Therefore it would be unknightly of me to do so, and therefore I won’t do so.”

Sancho did not look amused. So Don Quixote added:

“Oh and if this be cause enough for you to leave my presence and return to thy previous way of life, so be it. Leave. I care not, for I can easily find another squire, being as renowned as I am now.”

When Sancho heard the false knight’s vain resolution to his proposal, his initial disgust was swiftly transformed into fear. He felt as if the skies of his soul had blackened and in that very moment down flagged the wings of his heart; for he had always believed that his master, whom he respected more than any other in the whole world, would never abandon him, even if bribed! Seeing that this assumption was sorely false, the highly influenceable squire felt inclined to burst into tears.

“Well if that be how it is, then me thinketh I shall show myself out!” Sancho cried, blubbering as he left.

But before Sancho could actually leave, in that very moment, Sanson Carrasco, the town’s bachelor, and local wag of sorts was lead into Don Quixote’s room by the knight’s caretaker niece.

“Oh, glorious flower of knight errantry!” Cried Sanson. “The sun and the mirror of the Spanish nation! Let nothing halt you from going out into this, your third sally forth into the world, and if thou be lacking in squires take me with you! For I am young and strong in both my faith and body.”

Neither Don Quixote nor Sancho were aware of Sanson’s planned acting and took his words as the earnest truth. Don Quixote believing in every vain and conceited praise to his person, replied in all seriousness,

“Did not I tell thee, Sancho, that I should not want for squires? They’re practically raining down at my excellence!” 

Then turning to Sanson, the knight added: 

“Oh, but I could never accept thee as my squire, Sanson. I would be damned for removing such a fine scholar to be from your duties as a student to the liberal arts. No, but I shall make do with any other sort of squire seeing as Sancho here will no longer deign to go along with me…”

“Wait!” Yelled the now teary eyed Sancho.

“I.. I do deign! I am not of such an ungrateful stock that I should actually abandon my master! It’s my stubborn wife’s fault; she wanted the pay, but I’d be happy to follow you for none and have her simply use the gold I gathered from our last sally! Please do not replace me, I, thy loyal and true friend!”

Don Quixote seeing how distraught his dear friend had now become, suddenly realised his own idiocracy (for once in his damned life).

“Sancho, I apologize. I was unaware of the true meaning and effects of my words, I revoke them. I supposed that you would not care if-”

“But I do care! I don’t want to be replaced!” Sancho Balled, “I’d gladly accompany you with or without pay, I just figured it was worth asking for...”

“Well then!” Said Don Quixote, “I shan't replace you! And from this point onwards I shan’t ever replace you!”

Then the two men embraced, Sancho still teary eyed, hugged his master tight and strangely Don Quixote felt his heartbeat quicken and his cheeks reddin from the contact. Don Quixote continued to console his squire with some pats on the back while they hugged, and Sanson shocked that the knight did not go along with his plans left the room. He’d have to explain to the barber and curate later, how they’d need to think up something more clever if they wanted to manipulate Don Quixote any further.


	2. Lies

Some days later, as the self proclaimed knight, Don Quixote and his loyal squire, Sancho set forth on yet another sally, it occurred to the knight that he had yet to meet his make believe lover, Dulcinea, in person for quite some time. This was partly do to the fact that her description was almost entirely made up by the madman, but also because, in all honesty, he had never actually loved her! Dulcinea was based on a girl from Don Quixote’s home town that had never even known Don Quixote had a crush on her and she certainly was not as high bred as her mock suiter made her out to be. But that did not stop our self proclaimed knight from swaggering himself and Sancho down over to El Toboso to look for her. And what’s worse, forcing Sancho to lead the way, since Sancho had previously lied about delivering Don Quixote’s heartfelt message to her. Which they both know he ended up not having anyway, but Sancho had said he memorized it all by heart, which was, once again, for the most part a complete fallacy.

Don Quixote was practically vibrating with excitement as Rocinante (his awkwardly skinny horse) trotted along side Dapple (Sancho’s beloved Donkey) amiably. The madman was shaking so forcefully that Sancho could not help but intervene upon the matter.

“Señor cease thy manic antics! How am I supposed to lead us to thy sweet and dainty Dulcinea when thou art behaving in so distracting a manner?”

The knight appeared puzzled by this inquiry. 

“I’d assume a castle as magnificent as the fair Dulcinea’s should be easily spottable regardless of any “manic antics” as you called it.”

Sancho pinched the bridge of his nose in irritance as he thought,

‘I must conceive of some way to rid myself of this task before he realises I have no idea where to find his beloved Dulcinea…’ 

Don Quixote halted his steed.

“Sancho?”

Sancho felt an electric chill run up his spine as he turned to face his master. He faked a grin.

“Y-yes my lord?”

Don Quixote frowned and discontinued his elated shaking.

“Sancho!”

“What!?” Sancho was sweating nervously. “State what thou wants already and let us be on our way anon!”

Sancho wasn’t aware of just how loud his voice was getting, but by the offended glare Don Quixote was giving him he assumed he must have been close to yelling. 

“My apologies Señor Don Quixote. It is unbecoming of a squire, such as myself to have raised my voice like that…”

Raising one of his grey eyebrows inquisitively, Don Quixote answered,

“On the subject of weather or not your yelling is becoming of you, I’ll let bygones pass, but as for thy behavior as a whole you appear to be under an immense quantity of stress. What is weighing on your conscience? And what are you not telling me?”

After a very long pause Don Quixote narrowed his eyes.

“Doest thou take me for a damned fool?”

Sancho gulped, anxiety filling up his gut.

“N-no Señor. I’m not hiding anything.”

Don Quixote’s face flushed red with rage as he slapped Sancho’s face so hard he toppled backwards off of Dapple and fell to the ground prostrate.

Sancho got up slowly, wiped his bleeding nose, and stared at Don Quixote mortified.

The knight was now quite irate.

“How dare you lie to me! You ungrateful degenerate!”  
Don Quixote yelled, tears welling in his eyes.

“You half wit! Thou hast made a fool of me! Dost thou even know where my dearest Dulcinea is? Did my letter’s content ever even reach her!?”

Sancho wept and disheveled his hair.

“I’m so sorry, I couldn’t find her!” Sancho said, ashamed of himself.

Don Quixote was furious and so he sped himself and Rocinante off far away from Sancho leaving the squire distressed and alone.


	3. Reunited, emotion, and sappiness

Four full days Sancho searched for Don Quixote. He couldn’t sleep and he was losing his normally gluttonous appetite more and more as the hours rolled along. All he could think about was his last conversation with his master and how that same master must hate him now. On the fifth day of Sancho’s search, the squire gave up all hope of ever seeing Don Quixote again. And so the forlorn squire wandered into the nearest inn to mourn his broken heart over a tankard of wine and drown away his sorrows with some hearty spirits. 

But when Sancho entered the closest tavern, his eyes were not met by the joval gaze of any inn’s host, for who Sancho first espied upon his entrance in to this particular tavern was none other than his master, Don Quixote de la Mancha, miserable and distraught, sobbing in his arms over at the inn’s bar-table an empty alcoholic beverage by his side. 

Not wasting a moment's hesitation Sancho was there by his master's side in an instant to aid him in any way he could.

“Sancho?” Don Quixote looked up sniffling.

“Yes master. I’m here. I’m so sorry I let you down. I can assure you I never intended to! I’m such a fool!” Sancho wailed tears streaming from his eyes.

Don Quixote stood up from his seat at the bar and caressed Sancho’s cheek with the palm of his hand.  
“No Sancho it is I who have been a fool, for thy actions were only done as to sway me from my own madness. I care not weather mine letter reached Dulcinea or not. I was blind not to have realised before that I could never love anyone more than I do you, Sancho, for these last four days without you have pierced me so deep that, I shalt never have felt so miserable in all the days of my life before now, or ever will I feel in the future.”  
The knight hugged Sancho deeply and both the knight and his squire’s cheeks burned a deep, rosy-red from the contact.  
Sancho was still crying but he was no longer sad.   
“Master without you I am no better than a lion without a mane or a rooster without a call, when you are gone I am incomplete and when you are by my side I learn and improve so much more everyday than I ever would have as a lowly farmer back home. I love you. I think I have for quite some time.”   
“I love you too my dear friend. You make an excellent squire. I love you so very much!”  
And then the two men kissed each other passionately and squeezed each other amorously as tight as could be managed, tears still streaming from their eyes.


	4. Blushy Renaissance men

The bartender/innkeeper was very unamused at the site of two men kissing in his bar as it was the late 1500s and that was considered very uncool at the time, but he became substantially more displeased once he’d realised that Don Quixote had zero intention of paying for the drink he’d previously consumed and once Sancho began to take off his shirt.

So he ordered both men to leave at once or he would make them do so by force, but they just would not stop kissing each other! And so the bartender had to repeatedly nudge them with a long stick until they were finally outside and then he slammed his bar’s doors shut letting out a sigh of relief.

As soon as the door had been shut Don Quixote and Sancho Panza rushed off together, hand in hand towards their steeds. Then they rode them until they came up to a conveniantly placed brook far off from any person who might disturb them. 

The sun was setting as Sancho helped Don Quixote out of his armor and undressed himself. The two men were very excited and just generally enjoying the company from being around one another and from being fully nude. Soon they were both washing off in the waters of the brook and playfully messing around with each other through splashing and general immaturities. When they had finished Sancho set up a campfire by some indeterminate non specific means and fried up some nuts and berries. He also shared some of the wine he always carried in the pack atop his donkey-Dapple. 

Once they had finished supping Don Quixote scooted up closer next to Sancho and reached out to hold his new lover’s hand within his own.

“Um, Sancho?” Don Quixote looked away from his Squire, a bright blush spreading across his countenance. Sancho looked at him caringly.

“Yes master?”

Don Quixote looked at Sancho. 

“May I kiss you?”

“Yes please do.”

And so he did.

The two men proceeded to kiss each other playfully almost innocently, but their kissing soon grew far more drawn out and full of a sort of longing and desperateness. Sancho pushed Don Quixote down and proceeded to kiss him again and again until they were both quite horny and their members both quite erect.  
Then Sancho lowered himself to his masters loins and began to lick his superior’s shlong.”  
“ Sancho what are you- Ooh my~! By the saints! how are you doing that!” Exclaimed Don Quixote.  
Sancho proceeded to salivate over his master’s dongis taking it slowly deeper and deeper into his mouth and throat.  
Sancho was nearly choking on the self proclaimed knight’s shaft as it’s tip hit the back of his throat and he moved his head up and down around the thing rhythmically.   
“Ah! Wow~!” Cried the knight as he rapidly neared his peek.   
But before Don Quixote could cum, Sancho suddenly slid his mouth off of his partners cock. Eliciting a small sound of protest from the knight.  
Sancho then proceeded to spit on his fingers and thoroughly prepare his bottom for what was to fallow.  
Don Quixote still laying on his back fully naked watched in awe as Sancho lowered himself on top of the false knight until they were fully joined.  
“Ooow! That pains me!” Cried Sancho.  
“I like it, must we stop?” Inquired Don Quixote.  
“No. Not until needed.” Said Sancho although it did still hurt alot.  
Then Don Quixote hit Sancho’s prostrate and Sancho found that this sensation was very pleasant and compensated fully for the pain his reer had endured up until that point once repeated enough times.   
Pretty soon both men were almost at the climax of their efforts and Sancho had taken his master’s shlongis as far up his arse as it would fit. They were both so lost in the friction and pleasure of it all. Both of their bodies tingled and radiated seemingly endless amounts of heat. It was wonderful and new and they loved it and they loved each other.  
Sancho leaned forward to make out with Don Quixote as his lover continued to hit his sweet spot over and over again. Sancho broke from his kissing; a line of saliva had formed under his bottom lip.  
“I love thou more than a drunkard does their drink or an astronomer does the stars.” Said he lustally.  
Don Quixote kissed his squire once more. “Thy body is so excellent and thy proverbs though once a major turn off now seem to make me want thee even more.”  
There rhythm picked up it’s pase and pretty soon they were both moving at such a vigorous pace that both men felt as though they might burst at any moment.  
Sancho came first as he was kissing Don Quixote and the knight drove his manhood in a particularly rough thrust up Sancho’s entrance to his squire’s prostate. Sancho’s jiz formed a pool on Don Quixote’s stomach as his ass tightened and clenched around his master’s twitching, throbbing flesh pole. This caused Don Quixote to cum and shoot his gooey cream far up into Sancho’s still clenched hole.   
When they were done Sancho and Don Quixote kissed each other passionately and forced themselves up to at least partially wash up in the brook before they cuddled up together under some blankets Sancho had placed in Dapple’s pack and fell asleep in each other’s arms feeling warm and content inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personal Note: Don Quixote is not just a book admired by snobs who think they’re better than others because they “know real literature”, or book hipsters, it has a lot to offer anyone and is an extraordinarily hilarious and entertaining book that has tons of translations so anyone can enjoy it.  
> Below is the link to the actual book by Miguel de Cervantes translated by various people [on Project Gutenberg] [for free because it's an old book] [ I could not find the Tobias Smollett version sadly…]  
> http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/search/?query=Don+Quixote

**Author's Note:**

> Personal Note: Don Quixote is not just a book admired by snobs who think they’re better than others because they “know real literature”, or book hipsters, it has a lot to offer anyone and is an extraordinarily hilarious and entertaining book that has tons of translations so anyone can enjoy it. Its also on audible.
> 
> Link to the actual book by Miguel de Cervantes translated by various people [on Project Gutenberg] [for free because it's an old book] [ I could not find the Tobias Smollett version sadly…]
> 
> http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/search/?query=Don+Quixote
> 
> ///////////////////////////
> 
> Parts of Fanfic: explained (In case anyone was wondering):
> 
> I - Rewriting/adaptation of: part 2 ch.7 VII book 1 => In the original, Sancho asks to be paid for his work as a squire to Don Quixote, and is declined unfairly because his master had never read of paying squires before. I rewrote it but did not change much. I kept the content relatively accurate to the book actually but with added implications for spiciness. In the original, Sancho lies that a random, country wench is Dulcinea because he previously lied that he had delivered a message to her, when in reality he’d never met her, because she sort of does not exist or at least the version of her that does exsist is nothing like what Don Quixote says she is. [[In my version Sancho is forced to tell the truth instead of lying any further and Don Quixote and him work things out. Then there's some smut because reasons.
> 
> III - Completely made up content (not canon & not based in canon).


End file.
